Goodbye

"過去的一切，未必會過的去"
- Ven

"一定要记住，别忘了跟心爱的人说再见“
- Ven

I know I haven't been updating for quite long time, but there isn't much readers, so it's not like anyone would be bothered by it... Anyw, shits has happened at my workplace which made me feel damn fucked up... I'm not going to talk about it yet, maybe I will in some point of time, but not now.

Anyway, my life has been as usual. I was hooked up on a new weekly - updated Taiwan drama, 'Apple in Your Eye' aka 妹妹. It's so nice, no joke. There isn't a draggy storyline, things happen in every episodes. Some may find it a little draggy because of how the main roles were reluctant to admit their feelings or to confess even though it's fucking obvious. But, it isn't like those dramas nowadays that has typical scenes. No. Not at all. This drama has a really great storyline. Not to miss out, every characters has their own stories which would not be overlooked.

You know how some dramas, despite the characters having some stories from past which result to their present characters etc but were not clearly shown etc? There is no such case in this. The casting may not be perfect, but it's staring my all-time-favourite actor, Blue Lan aka 藍正龍. I don't know what others think, but I think he is really great at acting scenes that has very less talking but a lot of emotional acting. It's not easy, but he managed to do them great.

I've watched most of his dramas, not all. There were some which I don't really like.. for example, those w/o romance isn't my thing, and those which were dubbed, I don't like it.. But other than that, most of his dramas, I've watched them and I loved them. This drama would be another of my favourite.

Look at the dramas now, their storyline were getting draggy, and similar to one another or they simply re-film their version of some other dramas from other country etc. But this... it's quite unique. I wouldn't say there is none that's similar but there isn't many, not that I know of. And I gonna admit, I cried in every episode, including the previews. Also, I got really into it. I watched many dramas, be it Hongkong dramas, Japan dramas, Korean dramas, Taiwan dramas, Mainland dramas or even Singapore dramas. I've watched many dramas mostly romance with mixture of other genres. This resulted in my high standards when it comes to watching dramas.

Nowadays, I got bored after watching a few episodes here and there for the new dramas. But this... it got me so hooked up. New issues or new 'topics' every week, so it would make you look forward to it every week. That's the downside of this drama. One episode per week... so we gonna be very patience but it's a good thing if we have a hectic life, we wouldn't have to worry about having too much to watch or not being able to keep up.

Anyw, to watch, you can simply go to sugoideas.com to do so. (: they have a lot of Taiwan dramas uploaded there in case some of you hasn't heard of this website before. Also, new episodes would be uploaded quite fast as well ^^

Anyw, enough of the dramas stuff. I'll update again soon regarding my life... if there's even anyone who would bother to read...

For now, seeya~

Over

It has been quite some time since I've last blog. Some updates to what happened in my life for now:

1. I've broke up.
2. I got new jobs now.
3. I made new friend.

First, I broke up because my feelings faded and everyone knows, including me, that this r/s would not last. And I'm happier after this r/s ended. BUT I got really fucking annoyed. I hate it when people, be it guys or girls, continue to pester their ex. after breakup. It's fucking stupid, fucking annoying, fucking retarded, fucking idiotic and fucking ass.

Guess what? I got pestered, Know what? I told him my feelings faded, there's no way I'd turn back. He actually said if this ever happen it's understandable since we're far apart. And, no he did not let go. Instead, after much pestering and me scolding him after all the spamming etc, he go for people around me. He started going to people around me, asking them about me, telling them about our breakup etc.

Know why I got so annoyed?! Imagine this. After a long day at work, you realised your phone was spammed with notifications from your ex., pestering you etc. And you have to explain to everyone around you that knows about both of your r/s about the breakup etc. That's not all... he knows most of the people around you. WTF. He got almost all of your social network acc. like Facebook, WeChat, etc. Annoying isn't it?!

After calming down, he said to be friends. But he continued asking me stuffs, being as if we are still together, and asking me to think back etc. WTF That's not being friends, okay?! Get your fucking facts right, dumbfuck. After all the ignoring etc, he said we shall not be friends since it isn't going to work. I said okay, Because he is being fucking annoying, no joke. Not long later, he came and ask if we could continue being friends etc. Isn't it fucking stupid?! Isn't it fucking indecisive?! You're a fucking guy, man up. Be more decisive.

And know what?! I realised what kind of despo he is after breakup. I'm pretty dumb, I admit. I won't talk about this... so yea.

Next, I started working under Banquet in various hotel since I don't get much work now. Although pay isn't comparable, but I love the job. I love the teamwork everyone have and the r/s the managers have with the employees, us.

Lastly, I've made a few new friends. There were 2 guys, both 16. One in Singapore but from Myanmar, the other is in and from Netherlands. I know them from online, somewhat. There were also 2 girls, one 18, one 19. I got to know them as we were from the same agency,,, cool right?! Hehehe, and we just able to click right from the beginning... so yea..

Anyw, I'll end it here for now. Byes~

Letting go doesn't necessarily means giving up

"Letting go doesn't mean giving up."

- Ven

"The one who was let go of is hurting, but the one letting go is hurting even more."

- Ven

We're drifting apart. It's apparent from the conversations we are having. Our conversations used to last, regardless we're together or just messaging. But now... everything has changed. He always ends the convo with "talk later" or "now I busy" etc. Sigh. And now, I don't have anything to talk to him about, it's just like how some people predicted.

But no, I still love him. I still cry because of him, I still think of him, I still miss him, a lot. But somehow or rather, I felt that things has changed, it's no longer how it used to be.. 

My parents still object of our relationship. Mostly my dad. My dad is against the idea of us keeping in contact as friends already, let alone being together. Yet, he doesn't know about this at all. Because I couldn't tell him... Why, I don't know.. I just simply thought not letting him know would probably make things easier... and I'll use this time when he's away to try persuade my parents if we're still together. Hopefully things would be just like how I thought of them to be and how I wished they would be.

Yesterday I spent the whole day out. Meeting Junhao, my sist, and Ivan, my bro?, and not to miss out, my annoying yet adorable brothers. Had lunch at Nex, MOF, before going to Popular to buy some materials used for scrapbook which I'll be using. Than we went to meet Shandy for badminton. Played 'till around 7, we decided to play "Truth or Dare", after which, we went to have dinner at a vegetarian restaurant. It's honestly very nice! For non-vegetarians, I'll actually recommend there as the food is really daebak! ^^

After dinner, we went to the playground to play. We really miss our childhood times! I know we shouldn't do that but yea... anyway, after that, we went to the badminton court near my house to play another round of badminton. ^^ until 11+. Now, I'm having body ache... OTL But it's fun~ so I don't regret it. Heh.

Anyw, that's all for now~ gonna go for project meeting with my friends! At airport... == Whatever. Ciaos~

Yesterday once more

"Don't regret whatever you had done. Even if it's a mistake.
Whatever that was done, was done. People were already hurt, intentionally or not.
Learn from the mistakes and get over it instead of living in the past, making the mistake repeatedly."
- Ven

A month since he has left.. OMG, I'm still not used to it. T.T It's like... I've gotten used to being with him almost everyday since Jan till June. And now, I've to get used to not being with him again. WTF?! Sigh, is this some kind of joke that has been playing on me?! T.T And I've been getting insecure... now I understand why many would say long-dist relationship isn't easy and typically don't last. Know why? We, girls would get fucking insecure and start wondering what if he found someone else, or what if he fell in love with some one else, etc.. there's so many "What if" that we could come up with. Same goes for the guys! They'll probably be insecure about themselves, thinking their girls would be asked out etc.

That's what happened to me and him. But no, we didn't break up or quarrel. It's just that I think too much and I actually nearly let him go. Can't believe it! OMG. But he spoke to me, kinda lecture me, actually. So yea... and he even said I watched to much dramas. -.- I do watch a lot, but no, I'm not affected by them. I'm actually affected by those around me. Those that said we'll definitely break up, long-dist relationship isn't easy etc. So yea, it sucks.

Anyw, yea... I've been having mood swings and was being a bitch to many people. But yea~ also, I've been skyping with him every night, well to be exact it's almost every night. So far so good, I guess? But I really don't like the fact that he is always out drinking. I mean, it's good to hang out with your friends and drink a little, but he is always drinking, and he drinks pretty much. Sigh. But that's his freedom, I can't make any comments, it's not like we're married or what. Even if we are, I don't have the rights to do so.

Now, he went to another city for work. Which means less time to skype + less time to chat. T.T Help me.. if I can't even get used to it despite skyping all the time, how would I fucking get used to it when we can hardly chat? OTL

"Break up" is everyone's suggestions. But no, I don't wanna break up over such things. It'll just show that our r/s isn't strong. If we're able to get over this, marriage won't be a problem already. Isn't it? I know, I'm still too young to talk about getting married, but I'm not that young to not think about it either.

Sigh, I just wish us the best, in hope everything goes well~ and that I can make it into university so we wouldn't struggle for living like how my family is doing now. I've already seen the mistakes they made, I don't wanna repeat it, neither do I wanna lead the same life with same routine as they do. So yea...

Anyw, ciaos~ seeya when I can update again!

Far apart.

'Distance between us doesn't necessarily brings distance to our love.
Physically apart but if mentally together, that's enough.'
- Ven

'If it's meant to be yours, it'll be yours regardless what happens.
Otherwise, there's nothing you can do about it.'
-Ven

’习惯是很可怕的一种东西'
- Ven

My eyes are swollen. T.T Because I've been crying everyday since Sunday 'till today. And no, I'm not okay even I try to be. That's because he returned to his home-town on Monday. And tbh, I cried so badly. I missed him, a lot. Actually, by saying I miss him a lot is an understatement. I've gotten so used to seeing him almost everyday, that for me being not able to meet him, it's unbearable.

I'm so used to having him around me that now I felt so empty without him now. I've gotten used to his hugs, his kisses, the way he held my hand, the way he hold onto me when I'm trying to balance on the curbs to ensure I don't fall, him sending me home after work regardless he is working too or not, the way he pinches my cheeks, how he would play with my hair, how he tuck my hair behind my ears, how he could just stare at me, how he'd nag at me for not taking care of myself and even scolding me from time to time for being careless, how I can truly be myself around him without hesitations, how he takes care and dote me in every possible way, and how he can always give in to me, letting me throw tantrums or acting like a spoilt brat around him.

That was not all, it is such a long list that can fill a whole page. Getting used to something is really scary, especially when what you've gotten used to is no longer there, and you have to get used to it's absence overnight. T.T Seeing our photos, being at the places we've been for, re-reading our previous messages would make me cry without fail. Even thinking of him would.

I've cried many times, badly, because of being afraid. Afraid that it'll just be puppy love for him, afraid that it's just a game to him, afraid that I'm not good enough for him, afraid that he would find someone else better, afraid that I'll lose him somehow, afraid that he won't need or want me anymore... there're so many things that I'm afraid of simply because I'm insecure and lack of self-confidence. But he never fails to push them to the back of my mind just by simply saying "I love you".

Many people told me "saying 'I love you' is easy, but does the person who says it meant it, it'll be another story", "long-dist. r/s doesn't last bec it's hard to maintain", "he might be simply using you", blahblahblah and many more negative stuffs. But I'd always ignore these, not bec I'm being stubborn or naive or stupid. It's bec I've been brought up with the thinking of that "if it's meant to be yours, nothing can pull you both apart. But if it's not meant to be, there's nothing you can do about it" by my mum whenever she speaks to me about r/s, even up 'till today. So what if he doesn't mean it, there's nothing I can do. Yes, I'll get hurt but I learnt a lesson from this. How do I know if our r/s would last or not just based on other's experiences? Some lasted and even had happy ending like Xiaxue's, but some didn't. Thou the one that failed stands a higher chance, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. You'll never know if you never tried. So what if he's simply using me. I can do nothing about it.

If there's a will, there's be a way. I believe we can last long if we both try. I wouldn't want to be spending my time on r/s that don't last. I don't want to have endless number of boyfr but none last. I want to be in a r/s that lasts. Even if it's the only r/s I've been in. I want to be in a r/s in hope of getting married in future and not a r/s that is just for fun or experience blahblahblah. I know, Y.O.L.O. and you gain experiences from failed r/s but you won't need any failed r/s if you meet the right person. Some of you might think it's bullshit. It's okay, diff people have diff opinion about the same thing. That's unchangeable, bec we're brought up in diff culture, diff background and diff teaching.

My bestfr told me this "don't waste your time if you think it won't last, just break up. It's better now than later. But if you truly love him, you don't have to even think if it'll last or not bec you'll know it will.", and another told me "you chose this, you don't have a right to regret. But if you do, end it." I think what they said are true. Esp when they've been in many r/s before (contradicting with what I said earlier, I know but yea..) Many of my friends gave me advices knowing I'm slow and dumb when it comes to r/s. Heh.

But honestly, he's the only one that somehow changed me and is able to bring out the real me. My cousins told me I've became really cheerful, somewhat a spoilt brat and etc., diff from the usual mature, somewhat cool, fierce and "scary" me. Hahahahahas. That's a good thing, I guess. And they'd tease me for being in love whenever I blushed or smiled bec of him. Heh.

It's a mixture of everything for our r/s, but we've never gotten into a fight before. Probably bec we knew ea other's personality. So we wouldn't do something that ea other doesn't like. Even if we did, unknowingly or not, we knew what to do to appease the anger. Heh. So it's a good thing, I guess. Thou many said a r/s won't last if we don't quarrel or something, I think it wouldn't last either if there's too much arguments. I think so long as you know how to give and take, and you know what ea other likes and dislikes, or you know what to do to appease the anger or make up for your mistakes.

Anyw, I'll just end here for now~ it's getting late. And I'm supposed to be sleeping at 1+, yet it's 3am alr. OMG. I'll probably be murdered. >.<

My First Love Story~

'First doesn't always necessarily means there'll be a second.

Being first can be the last at the same time too, being the one and only.'

- Ven

'Be it good or bad, there is always something that we gain from it.
Accept it, regardless it being either because it happens as it meant to.'
- Ven

OMG, it's so fucking long since I've last blogged. And my fanfics, they're practically dead. Fuck.  OMG, I almost died. T.T OTL anyw, my mood has been up and down these few days, or should I say these few weeks? Heh.

And so much had happened at work. Be it good or bad, but all these adds on to my work experiences. So it's alright, I guess. Well... as my dad said, 'so long as I am not doing something that I shouldn't be doing etc, don't care what others do or say bout me. 'cause I don't live for them.' I totally agree.

Know.it.all? Nah~

"My heart can't possibly break when it's not even whole to start with" 
- Kelly Clarkson [Because of you]

OMG, how long has it been since I've last updated? Few days? Okay, anyway I've gotten myself purple highlights on my fringe, an add-on to my already reddish-brownish hair with my black roots growing. WTF, not to miss out, some white hairs here and there. White hairs, migraines, sensitive nose... I've inherited all of them from my mum. Fuck. Why don't she pass to me her good genes like big eyes?! OTL

Anyw, my selfies for the day~ I know I look shitty, just scroll down if it's bothering you. Heh. XP

Anyw, yea.. I've realised many people hasn't figured out what kind of person I am regardless how much I've blog or told them.
Well... these are what I've always gotten from people around me.

My personality:
1. I'm naive. Yes. I am. Fuck. I simply believe everything you said so long as you sound and looked convincing.
2. I have trust issues. Okay, contradicting, yea? I don't trust people easily, but when you earned my trust, you earned all of it.
3. I'm a paranoid bitch. E.g. I'd worried about friends leaving me etc, probably because too many did.
4. I believe in everything. I believe in aliens, monsters, angels, god, miracles. Whatever you name it.
5. I believe in fairytales. Not that Cinderella exist. -.- I believe in them as in that there'll be "happily ever after" etc.
6. I'm family orientated. Family comes first for me. Regardless what it is. But surely, there'll be times friends would but yea..
7. I'm denial. When I insist on something being true or etc, even if it's not, I'll find all sorts of excuses. Heh. XP
8. I'm fucking competitive. Unless it's something meaningless or it's more beneficial for me to lose than win.
9. I'm independent yet not. I've always been independent since probably around 4? So if I'm with people at my age, I'm more like the adult. However, with people who are older or mature than I am, I'll be like a kid. Hahas.
10. I have lots of aegyo. But my aegyo ... you'll only understand it is if you know me for long time. It's not obvious or what to those who doesn't know me well.
11. I'm a daddy girl, a mommy boy. Most of the time.
12. I'm boyish yet girlish. At certain times, I'm like guys. I have the 'heck care' attitude of most guys' and the way they talk or behave, I have some of them. Yet, I'm like a normal girl, dressing up, shopping etc.
13. I'm fucking indulged in kpop. Don't thrash them if you don't want me to reply you with insults.
14. I can be fucking mean and vulgar etc. Look at my past posts. Which of them doesn't have a vulgarity in them. I bet none. And I've gotten the sarcasm in me from my mum.
15. I'm insensitive. Well, to be more exact, I don't think through before saying anything sometimes. So.. sometimes whatever I said turned out to be more hurtful than I wanted it to be.
16. I've bad temper and I'm bossy. This, I have no explanation for it. That's just me.
17. I'm very soft-hearted. I cry when I watch shows about poor elderly living alone etc. No joke.
18. I cry very easily. Reading fanfics, watching movie/dramas etc, if I'm into it, prepare boxes of tissues. ^^

When I...:
say I don't know - depends on the convo. sometimes I said that because I'm too ... shy(?) to express what I really want to say. E.g. if you ask me "like/love him" and I'd answer "don't know.." when it fact, hell yeah, I do. And/or it's just I'm too lazy/can't be bothered to reply. Sometimes, it's that I don't get what you're saying. It all depends on the convo.
say nothing when asked about something - it either shows I'm fed up with you not knowing what I wanna say or I'm to lazy to explain or I meant it.
say it's okay - sometimes it's not. Look at my tone and messages, are they the way usual way I use when talking to you or not?
stare into space - most of the time, there's many things going on in my mind. Snap me out of it. Most of the time, there's so many things that I just decide to stare into the space blankly thinking about nothing. Snap me out of it, it's one of my not-obvious way of calling for help that there's so many things bothering me.
stares at my phone - I'm waiting for someone to text (duh) or I'm awkward to be in the situation or I'm bored
lost appetite - fuck, it's a serious thing. I'm either sick or something is really bothering me. For someone like me to not want to eat, it has to be something serious.
got hyper/high - don't be surprise. I'm always acting as if I'm on drugs, getting high out of nowhere suddenly. It's either because I'm trying to make things less awkward or it's simply that I'm out of my mind or that so many things are bothering me that I'm letting things out in my way.
got touchy/a lot of skinship - don't be shocked. I love skinships actually. Just that am I close enough with you to act that way or not and that if I'm shy (?) or not. Heh

That's all. I guess? Can't remember the rest. will update when I remember the rest. ^^

Live to the Fullest

"You only live once. It's either you live your dreams or just dream living it."
- Ven

OMG. I'm so gonna go bankrupt soon!!! T.T Here's the reason why:

1. 2NE1 world tour in Singapore (Confirmed - 4th April)
2. EXO's comeback in March (according to M! Countdown website & twitter)
3. SM TOWN in Singapore (TBC)
4. YG Family Concert in Singapore (TBC)
5. EXO's Asia Tour (TBC)
6. SHINee's Fanmeet in Singapore (TBC)

WHATTTTT?!?!?!?!? OMG, I'm gonna go bankrupt especially when I'm starting Poly soon. OTL Whatever, I'm gonna go for which ever events I can go and buy whichever album of my bias if I can. And I wanna go Korea. OMG. It's all so fucked up. Argh, whatever, screw 'em.

And I'm thinking of dye-ing my hair the same as Baek's during Wolf era. The maroon/purple one. Probably gonna do it for CNY~ hehehe. Many 'what if's came into my mind but screw 'em, YOLO, y' know! ^^

I've forgotten what I wanna post. So I'd just end here. If I happened to remember, I'll post it. XP

bye

First Love

"It has became a habit of mine to let go of those whom I loved and cherished,
fearing they would let go of me someday.
It's a scary habit that protected me even during my downs."
- Ven

OMG. So sorry. Well.... so much as been going on these days. And yep, as you can see on my title and my info section, I'm attached. Heh. Well, actually we both admit it's a lil' hasty for us to get together 'cause we just got to know each other this year. As in literally, 2014. Yea, we do see each other sometimes because he works next door as a chef, I guess. I'm not really good with names of occupations etc. Whatever. Anyway, and 'cause our workplace are under the same company, we shared the kitchen so we would bump into each other sometimes. (not literally but yea..) However, we never talked much. Probably just saying 'hi' etc.

Some of my friends told me it'll be a risk. I know. Being the person whom I am, I fell in love. Hahahs. But I am happy with him, it's just that there'll be a moment or two whereby I'd wanna kill him. Esp when he tease me about me on diet. Argh. This annoying fella! Anyw, he's my first boyfriend and so am I his first girlfriend. (that's what his friend and him said). And being together only for few days, we managed to date though. Hahahs. We would wait for each other (mostly him waiting for me) before we would head home. He would always send me home before going home on his home. However, the direction to his home and mine is a complete different direction which meant he is always taking a detour. >.<

He's always being all nice to me etc. Hahahahas. Which is good, I guess? And everyone p, the chefs and service crews etc, knows about our relationship, OMG. So I'd be teased whenever they see us together or something. Like eg yesterday he walked by our kitchen 'cause he needs to go to the freezer to get something, and I happened to be in the kitchen too so we smiled to each other. Than, my manager and colleagues were like "eyyyyy, no flirting!!!" Hahahahahas.

Anyw, I told my mum about us, and she said because I'm her daughter, there isn't anyway for her not to be judgmental, but she's trying, I guess, not to be. Whatever it is, we're together now, it's all that matters, isn't it? Hahahahahs.

Anyw. I've gotten back my O level results, I got 14 for L1R2B2. Heh. B3 for English, A1 for Chinese, A2 for Combined Science, B3 for Combined Humanities and C5 for Math (fuck). So yep... hopefully I'm able to enter the course I wanted to go... /pray hard/

That's all for now. Bye~

Expect the worst and not the best.

Don't get your hopes high if you can't stand disappointments.
The higher your hopes, the greater the disappointment.
- Ven.

OMG, haven't been updating at all!!! T.T Had been working literally everyday since 31st Dec. Was supposed to have an off-day on Sunday but I went to my aunt's to work. And finally, I'll be having off-days for 3 days, using excuse of poly open house and on release of results day. Oh well~ there's additional $2/hr everyday now, so why not? Hahahas. But it's freaking tiring to be standing and talking the whole day thou I love to talk. But hey, talking at work and with friends is totally different! OMG. And you've no idea how much I hate some of the people I met (mostly customers). But, I've met some really nice people too! ^^ Like the part-timers of my age from next door, some chefs and etc. Heh.

My manager is nice... but... her mood swings are scary. In one moment, she can be joking around with you etc and the next - after making a slight mistake - she'll be ignoring your presence and shows a stern expression. As for my supervisor... she's pretty nice but she's kinda bossy - that's what we all (the staffs) agreed on. Hahs. And as for the other part-timers.. the guys are nice. I guess? They'll help out if you ever need help, but one of them (there's 2 male part-timers) can be annoying and childish that I suspect he has the mentality age of a 7's.

My supervisor is nice. Just that... she's really strict. And she nags, a lot. Hahahahas. But she is someone that you can look for when in need of advice. I guess?

Well, there's one more female part-timer. And no, not the type of friends I'd be close with. Probably just talk and etc, but not totally close. So yea... there's 2 male ones, but I've never really befriended with them. Probably just colleagues that would joke around with each other? Hahahas.

So yea, here's my worklife. OTL